


Remembering Van Aydin

by Veradicity



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Sex, Battle, Blood, Boys Kissing, Character Death, Death Wish, First Kiss, Friendship/Love, Heartbreaking, Injury, Kissing, Loss, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Original Character(s), Secret Crush, Secret Identity, Secrets, Sex, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:07:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21906460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veradicity/pseuds/Veradicity
Summary: Before the remaining soldiers charge to their death under the last command of Erwin Smith, one soldier's perspective is worth mentioning. Van Aydin, a man with a secret and a wish.Would he be able to accomplish it in just a few minutes before charging towards the Beast Titan?A short story told between the past and present. A man with a heartwrenching love story he wished was possible like that of the hidden romance of Commander Erwin Smith and Captain Levi.
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Original Character(s), Levi/Erwin Smith
Kudos: 8





	Remembering Van Aydin

—Shiganshina District—  
Year 850

While the second set of boulders—a mere debris to the Beast Titan—came shooting at the houses outside Shiganshina District, Van Aydin held onto the reins of two frightened horses. The possibilities of a boulder hitting him was at most definite. 

The air smelled of dirt and blood; warm yet cold from the cloudy weather. The scenery of death and terror felt awfully familiar like that of the first attack of the Colossal Titan. Instead of the large debris shooting straight at them, they came crashing down like a gift—a kick from that colossal bastard who belonged in the 104th training squad.

Van, better named by his surname Aydin, was fifteen at the time of the first breach. He was a mere teenage boy who thought his problems were more severe than actual reality. His mother and little brother were crushed by a debri from the wall. He was standing beside them, but instead was blown away from the shere air force. 

To this very moment, he asked himself why he didn't get crushed that time? Their current situation was screaming his awaiting demise. Did life want to punish him with these feelings of loss and guilt? Why did he make it out alive and not his brother and mother? What was the point of all of this? Even his father asked that whenever he visited his new home. Aydin was more of a sinner than both of them, father believed. His father was right, but…ever since Aydin joined the Scouting Regiment he's been left confused. 

Was he really a sinner?

Captain Levi flew and landed in front of him, almost stumbling on his own feet. His hurried commands lead everyone to move near the wall. The horse hooves resonated against the ground; their neighs mixed with his comrades' fears. A loud echo of a bell boomed to the left making Aydin's entire back tingle in cold sweat. 

When Aydin was younger, so much younger, he feared the forest. The elders told him of a corrupted water spirit lurking in the night for any innocent children. This was his only source of fear back then. The only fear he wish had been the only fear, now gone.

They said if one walked further inside the forest, the more thirsty one became. The child would soon find a beautiful small lake illuminated by the moonlight. Fireflies will point to the small cave where wisteria flowers served like an entrance. 

The water spirit would await with a bowl of the most freshest water, not even the royal king had the luxury of tasting. Such privilege and offering would be the end of one. Once one drank the water, the bowl would be filled again with their own blood drained from their small body. Their blood was a drink to the water spirit.

It was then at the age of sixteen Aydin discovered the tale was a white lie hiding a repulsive truth. The corrupted water spirit was a representation of the sex traffickers awaiting to kidnap curious children to sell back in the underground. How did he find out? His life became darker and voidless. He couldn't move forward after his mother and brother's death. So, Aydin went to offer his body to the water spirit…He was rejected with the truth.

Now he fears the unknown, the uncertainty of this battle. Will humanity succeed? Was the truth awaiting in the basement worth the fight? Or was it another lie? 

Aydin reached the wall and looked around. Floch, a soldier he spoke with yesterday, fell on his knees a few meters away from him and grabbed his head. Aydin's body flinched to go help but was beaten by Captain Levi. 

"Oi. Stand up! You want to die?" Captain Levi yelled, pulling tightly Floch's coat.

The sound of the 3dmg caught Aydin's attention. Erwin Smith landed at their level, right in the line of possible fire. A brave and loyal Commander. Aydin then saw Captain Levi's face relax and become stoic again. Aydin forced himself to follow suit with the example of Levi, rubbing his tan forehead. 

Aydin had to calm down. In a time like this, memories of the past flashed before him in a vague fog that held more information than a visual illustration. 

Aydin can't even remember the exact features of his mother and little brother. He only knew his mother worried for me and his brother looked up to him. Aydin only knew his last conversation with his mother dealt with her disapproval of his secret and his brother finding out about that hidden secret. Aydin didn't even hear his brother's response, only watched his brother's same honey-colored eyes widen before vanishing in splashes of blood and dirt.

What Aydin does remember vividly is the relationship between two soldiers standing to his side close by. Aydin could barely hear their conversation in between the yells and crashing boulders.

Commander Erwin Smith and Captain Levi were two men whom shared the same secret Aydin held in silence without share.

Aydin's hands were tied against the wall, figuratively. A year before the battle of Trost, during his second month in the Scouting Regiment, he faced the unexpected and saw...

He saw them more closely than they already were. They held all the answers he never thought he seeked for. 

—Trost District—  
Year 849

Aydin was a sinner. His father had engraved those thoughts in his head for years. Ashamed of his secret, Aydin thought to enter and offer his heart to humanity in the Survey Corps. He had no other use to contribute to society. He assumed it would be easy—not the training to say precisely…

Aydin's throat struggled to block the evidence of pleasure rippling within his legs. Again, once again, he hid inside one of the storage rooms of the Survey Corps Headquarters. His hands pumped the desire which hardened as his thoughts of a male soldier intensified. 

Aydin's tall height and defined built mistaken him as a lover of the opposite sex. On the contrary—Aydin ran his hand up his tan chest and stroked his dick harder; his lips parting to breathe—he desired men than the breasts and lubricated, warm vaginas of beautiful women. 

This was a sin, right? It must be. To think of a male comrade for such inappropriate acts. Aydin didn't care no more. Father said Aydin was already a sinner. What difference would it make to imagine a man straddle him? What would it feel to have a man hold him, thrust inside him, mix their sweat and reveal their voice close against his ear? What would it feel to make love to a man? What would it feel to lose control and reveal his secret to the world?

Men fueled his darkest desires. Desires that were just dreams, no else. Aydin had never met a man like him before. He didn't even think there was a man like him around. He's surprised his father hadn't ratted him out. Probably the titans would pass on that judgement.

The night was warm. Aydin nearly slept against the wall of the storage room—his dick now limp outside his night pants, legs slightly trembling from release—but one never knew who may wander around in the late hours of the night. His roommates could wake up and question his long absence. So, he forced himself up, and returned back to the barracks.

He made sure to clean himself and leave no trace of him ever being there. Every other night, around two to three days a week, he'll come and masturbate the frustration of his silence. On some days, the heat within him will emerge from the slightest action of that male soldier he was awfully attracted to. 

Under the full moon, Aydin entered his room; walked passed the other bunk beds until reaching the end of the room. His steps were silent, no creak of the wooden floorboards to awaken the dreamers and spook the snoring.

"Your stomach alright?"

Aydin flinched, hitting his top head against the top bunk bed. He hissed, then mouthed an 'Ow', and rubbed his top head furiously. "Darn it, Fynn," Aydin cursed in pain.

Fynn chuckled, deep, alluring and amiable it made Aydin's skin crawl in a good way.

Aydin looked back over his shoulder. Across his bunk bed, he could only see Fynn's silhouette. 

"So?" Fynn's upper body peeked out of the darkness. The moonlight cascaded a beautiful blue hue to Fynn's bare masculine chest, not too sculpted, nor too absent of muscle. "You took a while," Fynn explained. 

Fynn noticed? Aydin didn't think he took that long. He always timed his sessions around fifteen to twenty minutes; a reasonable time.

"I'm…fine," Aydin said, entranced by Fynn's light-brown bed hair, attractive brown eyes, and soft lips not too big nor too thin. 

Aydin gulped, then replied, "It must have been the soup. That's all." He then went under his covers with the sharp burn subsiding atop his head.

"You alright?"

Aydin stopped rubbing his head, then rubbed his forehead, eyes closed. "Yeah." Aydin lowered his hand and turned his face to look at Fynn. 

His heart seemed to skip. The wave of arousal pulsed deliciously underneath his pants. "What?" Aydin successfully asked, looking up at Fynn standing before Aydin's side of the bed. He hadn't noticed Fynn's presence. 

For a few seconds, Fynn allowed the snores to fill in the silence of Aydin's question. They only stared at one another. Aydin's heart pumped harder and faster.

Aydin gulped again. "What..."

Fynn sat on Aydin's bed. 

"...is it?" Aydin finished off.

Fynn leaned down to Aydin's face, then whispered ever so quietly, "Have you found a place to jack off?"

The mere question brought different set of emotions. Fear: Would Fynn rat him out? Shame: What would Fynn think of him? Arousal: If Fynn didn't plan to rat him out and didn't care that Aydin followed through the nature of the human body, why would Fynn ask this?

"If I'm not mistaken, I can smell cum on you. So, don't lie at me. We're friends, remember?"

Right. They were friends. Unfortunately, friends, Aydin thought. How he wished that weren't true. If only Fynn was the man to devore the senses out of him.

—Shiganshina District—  
Year 850

Aydin laid his eyes off Erwin Smith and captain Levi. The crashing of boulders was more brutal than the last. Mercy was non-existent. The air became a mist of his comrades' blood. Aydin was surprised he'd yet to die. 

Aydin felt a hand grab his arm. He flinched and looked back to its owner. "Hey," Fynn yelled. He was holding the reins of just one horse.

"You're bleeding," Aydin said frantically, raising his hand to Fynn's ear. 

"I think my eardrum burst!" Fynn explained, face close to his.

Aydin wanted to cry. "Both of them?" He pointed to his ears.

Fynn had turned his head to the side, his unbloody ear facing Aydin. "No." Fynn shook his head. "Just the left one. I was close to one of the houses where the bell crashed on." Fynn looked him over. "You don't look to be injured. I'm glad."

Aydin nodded. Shivers of dread creeped his skin and mind. Fynn was almost killed in that crash. Now he was here with him. This was an opportunity, no matter how inconvenient.

"Fynn." Aydin tugged on Fynn's dirty coat. 

Fynn looked at him.

"...I…I...I'm scared."

The features of Fynn's stressed face relaxed in empathy. Fynn leaned near his face and patted his back. "Everything will be alright."

Dang it. Why didn't Aydin say it? Why wasn't he courageous as captain Levi?


End file.
